Gratitude Day #21: The Second Meditation Edition

I started a weekly meditation night at our church a couple of months ago because I am a terrible meditator. I have a bad case of "beginner's mind." I can't quiet the inner workings, no matter how long I sit in silence.

But I know that meditation is great and I really want to make it work. So I exercised my presidential powers and declared Wednesday night our official meditation night. I really look forward to the mid-week silence, the quiet, candle-lit room, the chance to sit with people I love and experience this thing together.

My mind looks forward to it, too and plans all sorts of things to chatter away about while we're supposed to be silent and finding the space "between." While everyone else in the room is deep inside themselves and finding peace, my mind dredges up the things that are bothering it most, and we sit in silence and "process." It's very productive time for me, but it's not meditation.

Last night I went to meditation night feeling low and defeated and sad. It had been a rough day of inner work and I was looking forward to the quiet time to let my mind absorb and process (and pretend to meditate.)

It was a big turnout for us...six people in all...and two of our friends who have suffered great losses this week were there. One was a man who found out two weeks ago that his sister had cancer and she died within a week. The other was a woman who ran for a state office and lost yesterday, after a very gruelling campaign.

I was so full of my own sadness that I had to approach them each cautiously, in case touching their sorrow would turn me into a blubbering mess.

But...and here's where my gratitude for the day comes in...they were both so fantastically at peace with their losses. The man was bubbling over with the joy he'd experienced in the last days of his sister's life, the way she made everyone feel okay with her death, and the fact that the whole family had been there with her. The woman was full of relief that the campaign was over, and was so happy that she'd had one of the best experiences of her life.

I'm really grateful for these people. They weren't minimizing their losses, or hiding their pain behind a cheery face. They were peacefully seeing the beauty and joy through the pain and loss. They were standing solidly in a bad situation and still marvelling at the sunshine.

They were reminding me and my meditation-free mind not to miss the little joys, even when the sadness is big.