They'll Never Put Me In Charge Again

Dear Grandparents,

I tried, I really, really did. But I'm guessing that after this one, you're going to wonder why you trust me with the all-important task of documenting of the lives of the young ones.

It all started out well. We arrived at Theo's band concert really early because that's the way Theo likes to do things. We sat ourselves in the third row, with unobstructed views. Until the seats filled in with the tallest people in town.

With my spare time, I was able to document this fancy hairdo that sat down right in front of us. I needed to document it because I haven't seen something so bleached and permed and curled and hair-sprayed for a good 20 years. This perplexing mixture of chemicals blocked my entire view of the orchestra. But that's okay...Theo's in the band, which was located to the left of this wall o' blonde.

This is where you, dear Grandparents, will decide to move in with us and take charge once and for all of recording the events in your progenys' lives. Not only did I seat us in the third row, which was WAY too far away, but I also magnetically attracted tall people to sit in front of us and move their heads back and forth, blocking my recording attempts. I also magically chose seats that placed the band director squarely between me and the band star, blocking all but the occasionaly glimpse of his left ear.

(Note: I couldn't load this video, but just picture a band director's back, Theo's left ear, and a lady's head moving back and forth to cover most of it up.)

And now for the real reason you'll want to revoke my parenting license. As I was happily recording song #2, the camera shut down, blinking, "memory card full" just as Theo was standing up to do his SOLO.

His memorized, beautifully performed solo.

Yeah.

Upon further investigation, I discovered that the camera had been filled up with photos of one of Ben's school projects. Taken from every angle. 35 angles, to be exact. And then some pictures of the floor and of Sam's paw and of the wall and of the window. The work of a particular nine year-old.

So, from now on I vow to elbow my way to the front row of every fifth grade band concert, stand up in the middle of performances to see over tall people, ask the band director to please step aside, and check the memory of the camera card beforehand. I'll take my job very seriously.

I have a feeling Theo's going to have me banned from all school functions.